Your first steps when someone says “I’m being bullied”
If you’re a manager working hard to create a culture where your team feel safe and can do their best work hearing about potential bullying can be devastating.
It can also leave you at a loss for what to do.
It’s another one of those things that you are just magically supposed to know how to deal with when you get a leadership role, despite no training or support plan as you get going in your role.
There are you’ll be glad to hear many resources to support you. You can check national employment spaces, your organisational HR department, your boss, Pink Shirt Day or Worksafe sites. In the moment though, you need simple steps, you need to know how to have that first conversation with the member of staff who comes to you and says ‘I’m being bullied’
Your first steps
Take it seriously. This means putting down what you are doing, shutting the door, walking to a different area and showing that you are taking this moment seriously.
Turn your phone off, and put it away. Sit and get ready to listen. This is the first step as listed by a fabulous resource from Worksafe - Preventing Bullying at Work. It is without doubt the foundation for all the steps and processes that follow.
Get the whole story. Listen and listen well. Let them explain in their own words and recount what’s happened.
This is the opportunity to use a ‘read-back’ technique, with phrases like, ‘what I’m hearing is’ or ‘this is what I’ve heard, have I got that right’. This gives the person you are listening to time to reframe and that they are saying what they mean to say. It gets you on the same page and starts to help you build up the bigger picture. Think of humble inquiry as you ask any follow-up questions. Be careful not to use ‘why didn’t you…’ and similar phrases that can put the other person on the defensive. Use questions to understand the impact on them. Get specific examples of the behaviour that created that impact.
Ask what they would like or what they need. What does resolution or a good outcome look like for them? What change needs to happen? Explore what they expect. What help or support do they need right now?
Give them time to think, silence, as they think, is OK, don’t rush to fill the gap. The impact of how they are feeling has been the big driver to this point, they may not have considered this yet.
Commit to following up. Give yourself a timeline to get back to them and check that they are OK with that. Agree on what safety looks like for them up to that point.
Get the help you need. This is the point where you can go get help, advice and support. Your space to check your local policies and make a plan of steps that you need to take. Remember you have heard one part of the story, which may have many parts.
This might be your first experience with a bullying situation, in which case get clear on the definition of bullying in the workplace. Explore and expand your understanding of the extent and impact of bullying.
91.3% of workers have experienced at least one form of bullying in the past 12 months.
source: Pink Shirt Day Website
Definition of bullying
Workplace bullying
Workplace bullying is repeated and unreasonable behaviour directed towards people at work that can lead to physical or psychological harm. It may also include harassment, discrimination, or violence.
It must be both:
Repeated behaviour – persistent actions (occurs more than once) and can involve a range of actions over time.
Unreasonable behaviour – actions that a reasonable person in the same circumstances would see as unreasonable. This includes victimising, humiliating, intimidating or threatening a person.
Workplace bullying can be:
Via email, text messaging, online forums or other social media channels.
Carried out by one or more workers.
Occurring outside normal working hours.
Directed at one person or a group of workers.
Targeted at other people involved in a workplace such as clients, patients, students and customers.
By others connected to a workplace, such as clients, patients, students and customers.
According to WorkSafe, bullying is not:
One-off or occasional instances of forgetfulness, rudeness or tactlessness.
Setting high performance standards.
Constructive feedback and legitimate advice or peer review.
A manager requiring reasonable verbal or written work instructions to be carried out.
Warning or disciplining workers in line with the organisation or code of conduct.
A single incident of unreasonable behaviour.
Reasonable management actions delivered in a reasonable way.
Differences in opinion or personality clashes that do not escalate into bullying, harassment or violence.